With One More Try
by Simple Heart
Summary: Jim and Bones have had a less than stellar break up and Jim wants to put it right, but first he has to get past the hyposprays. Slash. Kirk/McCoy


_This was written for smallfandomfest over on LJ. My prompt was Kirk/McCoy: H/C and this is what happened. Enjoy!_

_And I remember everything, everything that I loved_

_I gave it away as though it wasn't enough…_

_The emptiness inside of me, I wonder if you can see_

_It's my mistake and it's hurting me_

_I know where we've been_

_How'd we get so far? _

"Dammit Jim!"

They're the first words he hears. They're surprisingly sharp. His brain is far too slow, muddled with…something. Painkillers? Alcohol?

"Come on Jim. I need you to wake up." The whisper sounds needy, desperate. Some sort of… accent is making the words sound funny. And now it's getting harder to think and he's tired already. Maybe the darkness wouldn't be so bad…

''''~~~``~~~''''

Silence greets him the next time Jim regains consciousness, and he has a stronger hold on lucidity. His brain feels jumbled, like an old time puzzle, only he doesn't have all the pieces or the picture on the box. All he can remember is loud, angry voices, sharp pain, and… and then nothing.

Jim manages to open his eyes a crack only to squeeze them shut with a groan. The room wasn't blazing bright, but the light still hurt, sending stabbing pains back to the base of his skull. Carefully this time, he opened his eyes. The room looked oddly white-ish. It was a room, in a building. Something seemed oddly familiar though. And yep, those were painkillers he was feeling. Years of practice had attuned him to the feeling.

A nurse walking by stuck her head in and looked surprised.

"Oh good, you're awake. I'll go get Dr. McCoy."

With that she slipped out… and then it hit him.

Why the roomed seemed familiar. He was in the academy hospital. In a hospital room. His attending physician… which was... a Dr. McCoy… Oh shit.

He snapped his eyes shut, and took a deep breath, wincing as his chest throbbed. This was not good. All their precarious friendship needed was another fight. He had to get himself under control. He could do this. He could do this. There was nothing wrong with having your ex-lover and possible love of your life that you had suddenly and harshly broken up with, treating your injuries and having questionable hyposprays lying around ready to jab into your neck.

Jim looked up just as Bones walked into the room, reading a PADD and looking professional. Jim could see the tension in his shoulders though, and the downward set of Bones' mouth. It sent a stab through his heart, just like every glance, every look, and every word had done the last month.

"Well it looks like you got yourself into another hell of an altercation," Bones said not looking up from his chart.

"I-"

"You have two cracked ribs, one broken, a moderately severe concussion, two knife wounds each at least four inches long, several cuts we had to pick bits of glass out of and various other odd and ends." Bone cut him off, still apparently reading off of the PADD.

Jim felt a fresh wave of guilt. He was the one to turn the just-coming-out-of-post-bad-divorce man into the professional, pointedly un-emotional man in front of him.

They're relationship hadn't been unicorns and rainbows dancing all around. It had started rocky and had ended on the sharpened boulders at the bottom of a canyon. Part of it had been his fault. For once in his life he was seriously considering a monogamous more-than-just-sex relationship. And it scared the shit out of him. It had seemed so easy to push Bones away, it wasn't like they were official or anything, and Bones had had enough after the eighth girl in a row, following a week of avid avoidance, insisting Jim find another room to stay in or 'a fucking cardboard box out in the street, preferably where you'll get run over'. He had moved out into a room across campus. It was recently vacated and he didn't have to share with anyone; but it just added to the loneliness. What they'd had wasn't the best relationship, but it wasn't until later that he realized that it was what he wanted. And so Bones had become Dr. McCoy, Bones wouldn't let him call him anything else in public.

He would later blame the gaggle of drugs they had in him for the sudden urge to explain himself. To set things right even if they would never be the same, anything would be better than having both of them so damn miserable. Jim hated feeling that way.

"Bones-" he began, they weren't technically in public. It was a private room after all.

"You should get more rest." Bones told him finally looking up, an evil glint in his eye.

Wait where had that hypo-spray come from?

''''~~~``~~~''''

"Damn it!" Jim cursed, clawing his way past the sedative.

"I should've known that you wouldn't stay down for long." The smart-ass southern drawl had him looking towards his left.

Bones stood lounging against the wall near the foot of his bed, looking way too damn pleased with himself.

"You bastard, that was uncalled for!" Jim snarled, before shaking his head trying to clear the fog. All he succeeded in doing was to make his headache worse.

"You needed your rest."

"The hell I did."

Years of solitude and defacement had schooled his anger into a defensive measure, and it had grabbed a hold of him. He felt guilty about what he had done and he had just been trying to explain things to Bones, and the guy hadn't even let him get two words out.

"I was trying to say something!" Jim snapped, the anger tightening his chest making his ribs protest.

"You have nothing to say that I need to hear."

That one statement took all of the fight out of him, because it was true. Bones didn't need to listen to him… but he wanted him to.

"No, no you don't." he replied , choosing his words carefully.

Bones actually looked a little surprised, though it was quickly gave way to wariness.

"But I have something I need to tell you."

"If it has anything to do with what happened you can save your breath." Bones snorted, a little hurt making its way into his tone.

"It does-" Jim had

"Then I'm leave-"

"Damn it! I need to get this out alright?!" He suddenly snapped, startling Bones into freezing.

He had to stop and take a breath in order to cool the fire in his chest. 'The pain meds must be wearing off.' He absently thought.

"I need to tell you this," he began, stopping when he realized he really had no clue what to say.

Jim inwardly cursed his change of heart. He wasn't supposed to be the sappy one. It was amazing what four weeks of solitude did to you. Especially whe nthey were after, two best months of your life.

"I'm all ears." Bones sighed, sounding as if he had better places to be.

They briefly locked eyes and Jim could see the weariness there. He took another deep breath.

"You see, I have this thing with-" He stopped himself. That's not what he wanted to say at all. "What I mean is I never meant-. I think I like you-" This just wasn't going right. Jim heaved a sigh, bringing a hand up to rub his forehead in frustration.

"Jim?" Bones question held both a warning and concern.

He decided the only way he was going to get it right was to just say it. Just jump in feet first and damn the consequences.

"I love you." There it was.

"More than I should, I think and.." He broke off, his right hand absently scrubbing his face. He briefly registered the pain from the bruises.

He stared at the sheets that covered his abdomen and legs.

"And… And it scares the shit out of me." He hadn't meant for his tone to sound so tired, so defeated.

Jim kept his eyes staring anywhere but at Bones.

"This is the first semi-relationship I've had that's gone beyond a one night stand, and it scares me. I didn't want to mess up- I mean- You're my first real friend Bones," here he paused to look up. He doesn't know whether to be encouraged by the look of shock on Bones face.

"Everyone eventually leaves me. I didn't want to fuck this up… and look where that's gotten me." He let out a bitter laugh. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I know I can't expect you to forgive me, but I wanted… I wanted to know. I wanted to know if… if we could start again?" Jim's voice was back to soft and reserved, and just maybe a little nervous.

He nervously picked at his sheet until Bones cleared his throat. He looked up to see the doctor taking determined strides his way, with unreadable hazel eyes.

"Bones what-?"

"Now you listen, Jim," Bones began, his voice rough, exaggerating his accent, "I can't say that I forgive you."

At Jim's protest he held up a finger until his friend quieted.

"Completely. Not yet, but I do understand. I know relationships aren't exactly your strong suit and damn. I'm not any better at this than you are," Bones growled, running a hand through his hair.

"It hurt when you pushed me away and I was bitter at first. After the last several weeks I came to the same realization. We're both f---ups and we always will be… so," he paused to heave a sigh, "So we might as well be together. Heaven knows it's probably the only way to keep you in one piece."

Jim sat there silent for four heart beats and one breath.

"So your saying…?" He asked.

"That yes. I'm willing to… give this, us, another try."

They both stay still, awkwardly staring at each other.

"Really? Are you sure, 'cause there's no guarantees I won't screw up again. Actually it's pretty damn likely." Jim cautioned.

"Jim, after the last four days of seeing you here, just laying there and all I could do was pray for you to wake up, hoping that your brain wasn't swelling and you'd be okay. I couldn't see the world deprived of you. You're going to accomplish so many great things Jim… I didn't want to lose you, lose the chance..."

He could tell Bones was getting frustrated with the lack of words to express something that they most likely wouldn't be able to say in words for a long time. So instead he reached out and grabbed Bones arm and yanked him awkwardly down onto the bed.

"Yeah," he breathed against Bones lips before claiming them in a kiss. It was something he had wanted to do every time he'd seen the doctor in the last month. He wanted to do so much more, after so long he needed to get reacquainted with Bones' body. He figured the man would make it about another three or four days before his 'bodily needs' overrode his anger and they could both enjoy the make-up sex. He was just so damn happy he had another chance, and maybe this time they could make it a little longer before they hit a road block.

Eventually he took pity and let his doctor up for air.

"So I was out for four days? What exactly did I do this time?" Jim couldn't help but ask.

"You got between a group of drunken brawlers and a mother and her kid." Bones told him, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Really?" Jim asked.

"Yeah, you were being your basic moronic self." Bone drawled dryly, leaning closer.

A silver flash caught Jim's eye.

"Where the hell did that thing come from?" he snapped, eyeing the hypospray Bones now held loosely in his hand.

"I'm a doctor Jim; I'm bound to have a few tricks up my sleeve," Bones grinned.

"I thought we'd made up." Jim sputtered, watching the torture device inch closer to his neck.

"Oh, we did, but you're not off the hook yet," Bones leaned even closer, gently placing the hypospray against Jim's neck, "You're going to be paying for this for a while yet."

Jim had barely any time to feel the dread from those words, or fully comprehend how sexy the threat sounded in Bones drawl, before the hypospray was pressed down.

He heard a soft "Sleep well" and felt hands gently card through his hair before he fell into a deep sleep.

_What if, What if we start again?_

_Can we start again?_ --- Start Again – RED

R&R Tell me what you think! Also I'm looking for Beta's for some of my other McKirk stories. Just let me know if you're interested.


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